What is the most annoying and irritating noise known to sentient and non-sentient beings alike throughout the galaxy, nay... the universe?
Yes, that's right.
It is the unexpected (and it always is, isn't it?) sound of an electric drill as heard from the other side of the wall it's being used upon. It has a particular vibrancy that, in my imagination, I associate with the auditory outcome of having my own Ulna or Radius (that's my arm bones to you) removed unnaturally and harshly scraped down a really dusty blackboard, picked up by a parabolic microphone and amplified via an all-valve 100watt Marshall top connected to a couple of 4x4 cabs, with the volume dial set to Spinal Tap proportions (eg. 11).
Aye, verily, did the "neighbours from hell" sell their house a couple of months ago and move away (yay!) to be swiftly replaced by the "property developers from hell" (boo!) and for almost two months solid they've had all manner of workmen drilling and banging and banging and drilling and then taking loooong tea breaks to lull us into a false sense of security, then when we least expect it, starting the banging and drilling all over again.
It's the sort of banging that, from the other side of the wall, you cannot possibly imagine what the hell it is they're building; there's nothing on the face of the planet that also fits inside a home which requires that amount of nailing or hammering together. From large swings of heavy mallets that could surely topple supporting walls to a myriad of tiny and ineffectual-sounding taps ~ whatever they're doing there is no way it warrants the amount of noise taken to achieve.
And then there's the drill; the single most grating piece of equipment I've ever heard and ~ as an old band of mine who used to rehearse in an industrial estate were the ones who received complaints from the smelting factory on the other side of the car park ~ believe me, I know grating when I hear it . There's nothing like a hammer drill fitted with a good tungsten carbide 20mm masonry bit just grinding away at the stubborn brickwork a few feet from your head when you're dozing in the dawn of a new day (or 8:25AM to you people that get up to go to work). That thing will screech and squeal like a rusty pig having the best sex of its life!
So much so, it makes one wonder whether, at the drill factory, they're tested to annoy ~ one could say "tuned to imperfection" ~ and the ones which don't quite produce a sound that digs inside your skin, the ones which don't make you feel like you're the one having a 20mm hole bored into your skull, are tossed aside and rejected...
Thanks go to the unknown (and probably unwitting) bloke whose picture got posted to the 'net and then photoshopped in the cause of parody. So no, it's not me. Before you ask. If it's you and the kids in your school are laughing behind your back, I very much doubt it's got anything at all to do with this blog entry. I mean, I can't take credit for all the humor people find in the world ~ although I wouldn't say "no" to the royalties.